First Lady’s Blog: Q&A Concerning Singlehood

Let’s Take This Journey Together: Concerning Singlehood

Concerning Singlehood | Concerning Singlehood | Concerning Women of God
Concerning Women of God | Concerning Women of God | Concerning Women of God | Concerning Ministry

Hello ladies, and welcome to my blog! The year 2014 is behind us – which means it’s time to say goodbye to my Women of the Bible Series. I must say, as I wrote about each of those pivotal women, learning the way they thought, felt and realizing their experiences were not much different than our experiences today, I found myself connecting with each of them in a special way. I hope you learned from them as I did.

This year I am shifting focus again. As a teacher, my students know that one of my favorite sayings is, “Let’s take this journey together!” So, I decided to make this the title of my 2015 blog. This year, I will be answering questions that many of us have about this Christian journey, but may be afraid to ask. All questions are submitted anonymously, and I will answer your questions using Biblical principles and drawing from my personal experiences. So if you have a question or would like to comment, feel free to submit them – you just may see your question addressed and answered on my blog! I look forward to another year of sharing with you. Let’s Take This Journey Together!

Taking this journey together,

First Lady Vivian Pruitte

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QUESTION: Hooking up, courting, going steady… it seems as though the church has so many different rules about dating. What are some basic principles a young Christian woman should consider in order to protect her heart, character and reputation, while still enjoying a social life.

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ANSWER: Back when my husband was courting me, times seemed simpler. He approached me and basically said, "I am a young man going to grad school and I am interested in courting you with the intentions of marrying you." This left no room for interpretation. I knew exactly what he was going to do. Looking back, courting was one of the most wonderful times of our relationship. It was a time when we learned so much about one another.

Today, men don't always state their intentions, leaving women to guess at what their expectations are for the relationship. At the same time, many women tend to be the aggressors, actively pursuing a man in whom she is interested. As Christian women, we must do all we can to protect our reputations – to live above reproach. We may feel that if we don't pursue the man another woman will and take him before we get to him. But when a man is really interested, he ignores other women and sets his attention towards you only. If he is still eying every pretty face, he is not the person you want to spend your life with.

As a principle, in my day, the church taught us not to casually date as this could lead us into areas we would not like to find ourselves in. We were taught to pray and seek the Lord and allow the man to pursue us and not the other way around. The courting period was where you discovered whether you wanted to spend the rest of your life with this person. During the courting period, work on becoming best friends with one another. Share your morals and values and find out what is important to each of you. This will be your closest relationship, and during rough times you can draw on this friendship. 

I still hold to the principle of courting rather than dating because casual dating can not only lead to broken hearts, but possibly damage your reputation. Not to say that your heart won't get broken when you court, but courting happens a lot less frequently than dating. When you get to the point of courting, you have become pretty serious in the relationship and are looking towards marriage. When we date, we tend to date people that we are just physically attracted to as opposed to someone that we could see ourselves living with for the rest of our lives.

With that all being said, what's a young lady to do – not have a social life? Not at all! A social life is very important to young women, especially considering that many marry later in life because they choose to focus on their education and careers. A good rule to follow is to go out in groups. This will take the pressure off having to "hook up." It's also good to have an odd number of people in your group to avoid having to "pair up." 

When we approach our relationships, courting and ultimately marriage, we need to think of it as permanent. Today's approach seems to be “I'll try just try this out and if it doesn't work, divorce is always an option.” If we took divorce out of the picture, we would be much more selective of whom we involve ourselves with in a serious relationship.