Let’s Take This Journey Together: Concerning Marriage
Concerning Marriage | Concerning Singlehood | Concerning Singlehood | Concerning Women of God
Concerning Women of God | Concerning Women of God | Concerning Women of God | Concerning Ministry
Hello ladies, and welcome to my blog! The year 2014 is behind us – which means it’s time to say goodbye to my Women of the Bible Series. I must say, as I wrote about each of those pivotal women, learning the way they thought, felt and realizing their experiences were not much different than our experiences today, I found myself connecting with each of them in a special way. I hope you learned from them as I did.
This year I am shifting focus again. As a teacher, my students know that one of my favorite sayings is, “Let’s take this journey together!” So, I decided to make this the title of my 2015 blog. This year, I will be answering questions that many of us have about this Christian journey, but may be afraid to ask. All questions are submitted anonymously, and I will answer your questions using Biblical principles and drawing from my personal experiences. So if you have a question or would like to comment, feel free to submit them – you just may see your question addressed and answered on my blog! I look forward to another year of sharing with you. Let’s Take This Journey Together!
Taking this journey together,
First Lady Vivian Pruitte
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QUESTION: Before I was saved, I engaged in pre-marital sex. Now that I am married and saved, I sometimes feel unfulfilled in our marital bed. Is this just a consequence that I’ll have to deal with because of my previous indiscretions? Or is there a way that I can address this with my husband without bruising his ego?
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ANSWER: This is a great question and can be a very touchy subject. You want to approach this topic with your husband prayerfully and cautiously. You certainly would not want to offend him or cause a rift in your relationship.
Let me start by saying that sex is a very important component of marriage. The Lord created it for the benefit of marriage. I have heard it said that sex is for procreation, recreation and communication. I have adopted this philosophy and have found it to be very beneficial in my own marriage. So let’s break these down and see if we can find an answer to your question.
Let’s begin with the most obvious: procreation. From the time we were young and understood about the “birds and the bees,” we figured out that procreation came through sex. No matter how you try to rationalize it, you need two key components; one that comes from a male and one that comes from a female. God designed it that way and it’s never going to change.
Recreational sex is one of the most enjoyable times you can have with your spouse. But, enjoying it and being fulfilled by it is key. Your aim should be to mutually please one another. If you are left unfulfilled, the experience can go from being a form of recreation to a duty or obligation. One way to help reach mutual fulfillment is by communicating with one another about what you enjoy. Hebrews 13;4a says, “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled.” Telling your spouse that what he is doing is not satisfying you, may offend him. Instead, tell him what you would enjoy. Or, begin by asking him something that he enjoys and then let him know something you enjoy. You may want to alternate trying these things (for example, one night is his night, the other night is your night). There are also several Christian books written on the subject. You may want to read one together.
Sex is also a great form of communication. When you have sex with your spouse on a regular basis, you will find it easier to communicate. You and your spouse will be more apt to share your feelings during this time. This will also help you create a deeper bond. On the other hand, if you do not have sex regularly, you and your spouse will tend to become more distant. Lack of sex in a marriage also opens up the door for the enemy to step in and cause division among you (I Corinthians 7:5).
Studies show that couples who have sex regularly lead happier and healthier lives; and it is also known to be a stress reducer. But, if you are not enjoying it, it may not be benefitting you. So I encourage you to talk to your spouse and begin to have fun in the bedroom!