Call for the Wailing Women: A Wail for Domestic Violence
There will be no Wailing Women Workshop for this month. Instead, the Christian Education Department (CED) will host its annual teacher training.
Your partner apologizes and says the hurtful behavior won't happen again — but you fear it will. At times you wonder whether you're imagining the abuse, yet the emotional or physical pain you feel is real. If this sounds familiar, you might be experiencing domestic violence.
***
In my adolescence, I found myself in an abusive relationship. I did not realize that the constant put-downs and controlling behavior where leading into what would become a physically abusive relationship. The first time I was hit, it took me by surprise. He apologized profusely and said he would never do it again. Of course, I believed him. Headed to school the next day, a couple of friends asked me about my bruises and like a classic abused person, I tried to cover it up. I remember vividly what they said to me, “if a man hits you once, he’ll hit you again!” I explained how sorry he was and that he promised never to do it again. They scoffed! The next time it happened, he blamed me and said that I made him hit me because of my behavior. After that I always tried not to make him angry, to no avail.
According to the Mayo Clinic: Abusive relationships always involve an imbalance of power and control. An abuser uses intimidating, hurtful words and behaviors to control his or her partner. It might not be easy to identify domestic violence at first. While some relationships are clearly abusive from the outset, studies show that abuse often starts subtly and gets worse over time. The statistics on domestic violence are staggering and they cross all racial and social economic status boundaries.
Many women who find themselves as victims of domestic violence never imagined it could happen to them. Even if they watched their mothers be victims. There is so much guilt and shame attached to it that it is not something we want to openly talk about. Most of these victims don’t see a way out and fear for their lives.
We see many famous cases of domestic violence in the media but think about the many women you come across on a day-to-day basis who are quietly carrying this heavy burden and dreadful secret with them. This month let’s take up a wailing for our sisters who are experiencing domestic violence whether they decided to stay or leave, we will pray for their strength and courage and that the cycle will be broken so they won’t pass it on to the next generation.
The following are signs to look for to see if you may be a victim of domestic violence from the Mayo Clinic:
- Calls you names, insults you or puts you down
- Prevents or discourages you from going to work or school or seeing family members or friends
- Tries to control how you spend money, where you go, what medicines you take or what you wear
- Acts jealous or possessive or constantly accuses you of being unfaithful
- Gets angry without provocation
- Threatens you with violence or a weapon
- Hits, kicks, shoves, slaps, chokes or otherwise hurts you, your children or your pets
- Forces you to have sex or engage in sexual acts against your will
- Blames you for his or her violent behavior or tells you that you deserve it