Ok, so who is forgiveness for anyway? The one who needs to beg our pardon or, us, the offended? The truth of the matter is that forgiveness is for both, but it is most definitely for us (the one offended). Forgiveness is a conscious, deliberate choice to release feelings of resentment and vengeance. It allows us to move past those feelings of anger and bitterness which can affect us emotionally, spiritually, and physically and gives us peace of mind.
Forgiveness is a release of resentful feelings towards the person who has offended you. You’ll know you have forgiven when you no longer wish the person any ill-will; when negatives feelings have neutralized or even become positive towards your offender. Forgiving does not mean forgetting, condoning, or excusing a person’s behavior or act against you. Even though forgiveness can help repair a damaged relationship, it also doesn’t mean that you have to reestablish that relationship and continue to accept offenses from that person.
One of the most difficult persons to forgive is ourselves. We tend to beat ourselves up when we do something wrong, and even though we have been forgiven by the offended, we can’t seem to let go of our feelings of guilt and shame. Sadly, I see this oftentimes when it comes to our relationship with Christ. There are many who won’t accept salvation because they feel they did things too horrific for the Lord to forgive. Even though there has not been a sin invented that the Lord can’t forgive, we still battle with His forgiveness.
Forgiveness can be challenging, especially when we feel someone did something unforgiveable and does not deserve forgiveness. I don’t want to gloss over forgiveness because it is very serious, and many are not able to move on with their lives because they have been deeply affected by someone who has wronged them. Sometimes it can be difficult to move on from the past and forgive, particularly if the offending acts were ongoing or traumatic.
If you’re still having difficulty forgiving someone who’s wronged you in a significant way, you may have better success working with a therapist who can help you work through your feelings on a deeper level and personally support you through the process. I would add that you should seek the Lord who can heal the heart and deep-seated wounds. I have experienced many hurts in my life that I have taken to the Lord and He has helped me heal from them. It took much prayer and many tears, but the Lord came through for me.
In an ideal world, the person who offended us would come and grovel at our feet begging our forgiveness, but the reality is most offenders will deny or even accuse you of being the culprit. They move on with their lives and can’t understand why you can’t. This is why we have to learn to forgive even when no forgiveness is asked. It is for our own well-being. Forgiveness releases the power or hold they have over us. It allows you to look at your past and use it as a stepping-stone to your future. It allows you to go from victim to victor to advocate. In other words, you go from being the offended to having recovered and moved on from the offense, to now being able to help others who have been offended in the same manner.
This month let us look at those who may have offended us in the past, and work on forgiving them, not because they deserve it but because you deserve it!