1st Lady’s Blog: Tamar: Overcoming Your Past

Women In The Bible Series: Tamar: Overcoming Your Past

Lesson Two: Tamar: Overcoming Your Past
Lesson One: Leah: The Unloved

Hello ladies, and welcome to my blog! This year I am going to write a series called Women of the Bible, where I will explore the lives of some of the Bible’s most notable female characters. I believe every woman’s story can be found in God’s Word – and those stories can bring hope and encouragement. I will touch on some serious topics such as rape, suicide and jealousy, along with some lighter ones such as love, righteousness and more. Together, we can discover what the Lord is speaking to His beautiful bride.

Before we begin, I also want to thank you for joining me throughout last year’s series on Church Decorum. If you like what you read, send me comments and let me know – it encourages me to keep writing!

Taking this journey together,

First Lady Vivian Pruitte

***

II Samuel 13

“You’re going to have to hit me,” she spits the words at him bitterly, still in disbelief at what she now understood was about happen.

How could he do this to me? She asks herself over and over. Did I do anything, say anything to invite his advances… No, I’ve done nothing at all! It was like she was in a dream – or rather, a nightmare. And no matter how hard she tried, she could not wake herself from this horrendous experience. The shame she felt now would only be magnified as news of her situation spread. What man would want her after this? With that knowledge freshly stained in her mind, she cried at him again.

“Hit me! If a man would marry me someday, I do not want my husband to question  whether I gave myself to another man willingly.”

***

I can imagine this scene, playing out before Tamar, King David’s daughter, before she was raped by her brother Amnon. Being raped by a perfect stranger is bad enough, but being raped by your own brother – the one who should have protected you – must have caused her an inordinate amount of trauma.

Unlike Jacob’s daughter Dinah, whose rapist was willing to marry her to try to rectify his deeds, Tamar’s brother kicked her out and wanted to pretend the event never happened. Incest and rape are two grievous acts which can seem impossible to overcome. Being violated in that manner robs you of trust and misconstrues your ideas of how love is supposed to function. But while such hideous acts cannot be erased from the memory, the Lord is able to come in and heal your heart and ease your pain.

One of the major steps to healing from your past is to embrace forgiveness. While we would love for our abusers to come before us, fall on their knees and beg our pardon, this is very unlikely to happen. Amnon rewarded Tamar by casting her out rather than asking for forgiveness. He likely even denied the event ever happened, adding to his atrocity. You have to learn to forgive, even when your violator does not ask for forgiveness. This is what will release the power your abuser holds over you and allow you to heal.

The name Tamar means palm. While the Bible does not reveal what happened to Tamar in the years following her attack, I’d like to think that she took on the characteristics of a palm. A palm stands tall. I would hope that Tamar held her head high because she had nothing to be ashamed of. This grievous act was committed on her; she did nothing to invite it. In the midst of storms, a palm sways in the wind and withstands its ferocity, remaining grounded. I would hope that Tamar, through the help of the Lord, overcame her past and regained her sense of trust.

Hopefully, Tamar was able learn love in the arms of a husband who made her feel secure. He would handle her gently and reassure her that he was there to protect her. Tamar would willingly giving herself to him, having saved her love – which she was able to regain through the forgiveness of her abuser – for him. Prayerfully, she was able to overcome her past.