You try to suppress it, but it creeps up on you. At times described as a green-eyed monster that appears without warning, we know it more commonly as jealousy. But where does jealousy come from? An article I read in Psychology Today described jealousy as something we do not have much control over. That it is a natural, instinctive emotion that everyone experiences at one point or another. It goes on to say that the problem with jealousy is that it “masks other feelings and attitudes that are more hurtful to us and those closest to us.” The results are that jealousy often masks deep-seated feelings of possessiveness, insecurity or shame.
Jealousy strikes both men and women and is most typically aroused when a person perceives a threat to a valued relationship from a third party; the threat may be real or imagined. Jealousy is not limited to romantic relationships. If you think back, you can probably remember jealousy occurring amongst your siblings when you were competing for your parent’s attention. As adults, we see it among co-workers, or in our friendships. I used to believe that jealousy and envy were the same, but the difference is that jealousy always involves a third party seen as a competitor for affection.
Jealousy is typically a sign of insecurity. It has the potential to fuel abusive behaviors. It can compel someone to obsessively monitor a loved one’s cell phone conversations, text messages, or social media accounts. It will make one constantly suspicious about their loved one’s friendships and always want to know of their whereabouts. I had a relative who wanted to marry a young lady but was concerned about her obsessive jealousy. She would monitor his messages, and always put herself down while, pointing out how she believed other women looked better than she did. I advised him that once they married the situation would not get any better. She needed to confront her feelings of inadequacy first or it would be a constant issue that would arise in their relationship.
Now, I’m not saying that some significant others don’t give you cause to distrust them. Some even enjoy trying to make the other experience jealousy, but that is because they are usually dealing with feelings of insecurity themselves. Who can remember as a child, comparing one friend against the other to see who liked who best? It’s a common misconception that jealousy is a sign of love. It is not a good practice and it can be unhealthy in relationships.
Admitting to feelings of jealousy and exploring the emotions that underline jealousy, most notably the fear of losing someone you love, can help prevent serious arguments and clear the path to having an open and honest conversation about what is missing in your relationship and how to repair a broken bond. Let’s not forget also the most important repairer of all things, the Lord. Pray and ask Him to help you with your feelings of inadequacies or insecurities.
Jealousy is an emotion that at the surface seems harmless but can escalate to dangerous levels. This month let us pray that the Lord helps us to honestly deal with this emotion which can remain buried for long periods of time but will undoubtedly unearth itself and destroy relationships.
Awesome