Bitterness is defined as “anger and disappointment at being treated unfairly; resentment.” If you have ever been around a bitter person, you will soon try to shy away from them because you don’t want to be infected by the poison bitterness discharges. Bitterness harbors deep-seated feelings of resentment.
The Bible talks of bitterness as having a root. I imagine it as a weed. If you think about the root of a weed, it develops underground and is hidden from plain view. Nutrients are needed to feed the weed much like the root of bitterness provides fuel for our resentment. A root goes deep underground and is anchored. Likewise, the root of bitterness gets embedded deep within our heart. If we just pull weeds from the top, the roots just sprout out another weed. The only way to kill a weed is to pull it from the roots. Similarly, you can’t just try to smooth or gloss over bitterness by just not talking about it. In order to get bitterness out of our hearts, it will need to be rooted out. We will have to let go of the resentment. It is not an easy process, but if you are ever able to have any semblance of a relationship with the person you feel has wronged you, you will have to forgive them.
Roots tend to spread, and we need to be careful not to spread the root of bitterness to others and poison them also. We can turn others against the person we feel has wronged or committed and injustice against us. And so, the poison continues to spread and produce its detrimental effects on others who may not have had anything to do with it originally.
Psychology Today describes bitterness as “mature anger.,” meaning anger that is no longer on the surface. While anger is easily detected by our facial expression or tone in our speech, bitterness is not so easy to detect because it goes much deeper. You may have even gotten to the point where you still interact with the person that has wronged and not even give a hint that you still harbor something against them. That is until you get around others and share your feelings about the person with them.
I had an incident happen several years ago where someone spread some malicious gossip about me. I was very hurt and resentful. I wanted to run to all the persons I thought had heard the gossip and try to vindicate myself. As I was praying, I heard the Lord say, “don’t try to vindicate yourself.” Vindicating yourself is like trying to collect all the feathers that were blown away by the wind – it cannot be done. So, I began to pray that the Lord would remove the bitter and resentful feelings from my heart. I prayed until I no longer held any ill feelings toward that person. God ultimately was the one who vindicated me.
We may try to convince ourselves that no one will know that we are bitter, but be advised, it will certainly sprout up in many areas of our lives. You can try to bury it, but it will spring back up just like the weed you thought you got rid of. When we feel wronged, we often believe that it was deliberate and with malicious intent. So, we act accordingly by building up resentment instead trying to resolve it immediately.
We have to remember that the Lord extended mercy and forgiveness to us and wants us to extend it to others. This month let us pray that the Lord uproots the bitterness from our hearts. May we begin to forgive and heal from those who have wronged us.